*

Should you or shouldn't I.
Should I or shouldn't you.
And they wrap around, your foot is caught in the stirrup and you're dragging.
It's like biting down on sand
that coincidentally got in your mouth.
it's like holding open the wounds
to pour the salt.
to sting yet to disinfect.

I'm so numb and so exhausted. This weekend was good but not. Friday night was one of the best nights I have had in forever followed by Saturday that actually started off good but turned out bad because of my own negligence. I can't drink....it's terrible.
Today I fell off of my horse, it was his first show and I think I hurt myself pretty bad. Sucks.

As a little girl, I lived and breathed the most powerful animal on earth. I was so amazed when I heard their hooves beat the ground and when their voices reached the farthest distances, it was like music. As a grown woman, I still intake every single breath of the smell of their skin, every chance I get. I've been in love for years with something that, when I feared, I could go to and feel comfort and safety. When I needed someone to listen and not talk back, just be there and rest their head on my shoulder or just...stand below me as I sit on the fence and think. Caught my tears on his nose, and in one case, my blood because he actually hated for you to touch his nose, and I once attempted to kiss it and he threw his head up catching me in the mouth.

In once instance he saved my life, in another he bucked me off. My life, the day he stumbled and I went falling to the ground, he jumped over me instead of trampling me like he could have. I opened my eyes and only saw his belly, he was stretched out above me and didn't move until he knew I was alright. They struggled to get him to move, but he refused. And the time he bucked me off, I landed straight on the top of my head, he was just playing and feeling good. I never blamed him, he always took good care of me.

So many memories flashed across my eyes yesterday as I saw my good friend laying peacefully on the ground, body mangled. My heart broke. My insides ached as, for once in his life I grabbed that sweet soft warm nose and kissed it as many times as I could, catching my tears just one last time. I was angry because he didn't deserve what he got, to be chased until he broke, to worry his last days away. I never knew animals could be so cruel to eachother. I just wish someone would have listened to me, I'm no expert but I knew my friend, and I knew he was worried and I knew something was bound to happen. "They'll work it out..." and they did, and now my oldest, most best friend in the entire world is just a memory.
Dudley...I'm so sorry I wasn't there to comfort you as you took your last breaths, I was there for you through so much in your lifetime, all of your aches and pains, your stomach and colicing late at night, and I couldn't even be there for you through your greatest pain. I'll never ever in my life forget you, your memory will be etched into my brain forever and ever. Nothing can nor will ever replace you. You meant the world to me, even when you were pissing me off. I'm so glad I got to spend that last day with you, walking in that place that I thought would be heaven to you. I love you. I miss you. And if what they say is true, we'll see eachother again some day. I'll look forward to it.

RIP Greyhound Smoke "Dudley" The truest friend a human could ever have...15 long years and then some. Thank you.

One of the best friends I've ever had, and the oldest passed away yesterday. My heart is incredibly broken and can't even begin to describe how I feel right now.
We get attached to our animals and we always know that they will more-than-likely go before us, however, you never expect it to end the way it did for Dudley....RIP Dudley (04/28/1984 - 10/16/2005). I'll miss you more than you'll ever know.

So yeah, that Coachella thing...ha!
I didn't have the best time, but I did. All in the same I tried to forget about some things and just have a good time and feel blessed that I was there and was healthy and feeling good. Alecks knows what I'm talkin' about...
Here's a little play-by-play:
Thursday we left BWI at 11:30 AM. That flight was long. With crazy ass redneck men in the back hootin' and hollarin'. I believe when we exited the plane I heard the flight attendant say "Yeah I emptied out my alcohol kit on this flight." And I won't forget to mention that we had a connecting flight in Columbus, OH of all places. Alecks and I hopped off the plane for a second and got some cheese curds from A&W....it sounds gross but damn, they were good!
So it was onto Vegas in which we arrived a little late. The minute I got off of the plane I put $5 in a slot machine and won $20. I cashed in at that and all in all, only lost $5 that night.
I met up with my friend Robert and it was incredibly good to see him. I hadn't seen him since November. He was tired but showed us around anyway. We ate at a buffet at the Aladdin and that was cool except for the fact that I'm not that into food and didn't eat much at all.
We stayed in the Sahara which was generally a pretty nice hotel.We really didn't do much at all. Which sucks for being in Vegas. I had hoped to explore more, but whatever...
Friday we got up, got dressed, ate breakfast (like normal human beings). Then got our shit together and caught a shuttle to the airport where we picked up our rental car. Drove 4 1/2 hours through the desert and made it to Indio, CA by 5:00. Checked into our hotel there and hung out for a bit and then headed down to Palm Springs.
I loved it there, it was so beautiful. We ate at a Pub and I bought a cowboy hat from a hat store and we were on our way back to the hotel where I fell fast asleep as quickly as possible.
Saturday was day one of the festival. I drank so much water I thought I would burst. We definately didn't have to stand in line as long as we did last year and that was way cool.
There weren't many bands that I wanted to see on this day so it was in a sense a waste of money. Weezer however was totally worth it. Bauhaus and Coldplay..Ambulance LTD. I loved Weezer and the feeling of standing in the middle of 50,000 people who all knew the words to the songs Rivers was singing.
Rachael and I got stuck in a sand storm waiting for a ride back to the hotel. That was a mess and I felt like she was going to stab me with something sharp and then feed me to the lizards. But we eventually hailed a cab and got back safe and sound where I fell fast asleep again.
Sunday we slept in and got up to go to WalMart where I bought a bathing suit. That was silly.
We went back to the hotel and that stupid bathing suit was too small, my boobs were popping out of it! HA! That is a first. I think I was shopping in the juniors section or something, I don't know how that is possible. So instead I just went swimming in my underwear. It was refreshing.
After my swim I layed out, and got some sun. Seriously, 15 minutes in the desert and you're toast. I'm so burnt and have already started my peeling process.
After that we got showers and headed to the festival again, but drove this time because we didn't want to have the same thing happen that happend the previous night.
I saw Jem, and The Bravery (didn't like them incredibly much), New Order, Gang of Four, British Sea Power, The Faint (which I danced to) and Bright Eyes. I wasn't incredibly impressed, things kept falling apart on stage and you could tell Conor was a bit upset. Two girls standing next to me were applying make-up at 11:00 at night after they had been standing in the hot sun all day long. How gay! They also didn't like how tall I was cause they couldn't see Conor. What is there to see? Isn't his music and honesty and wonderfulness enough? Dang.
So after that we headed back. Stoped at an In and Out and got a little bit of food. Crashed and woke up early Monday morning to head back to Vegas.
Ugh.
Monday was hell. I sat in a car for 9 hours straight while we got lost driving in the desert. That sucked. a 4 hour trip turned into a whole day thing. We partied down in Vegas that night, barely slept and got up the next morning to catch our flights.
The end.

This is me for the next few days:
thursday i am leaving for vegas. fun! i'll be staying there thursday night and friday we are leaving to head down to ca.
friday will for the most part be spent driving a lot, i suppose. (hey big al, we should take a detour to the coast for a few minutes and play on the beach like last time! LOL) for me, riding in a car.
we should get to indio in the afternoon sometime or evening.
saturday i will be out in the hot desert sweating and enjoying myself. drinking lots of water and listening to a lot of cool music.
sunday will more than likely be the same.
monday i will head back to vegas and have some more fun there.
tuesday in the AM i will head back to the east coast.
and somewhere in between all of that i will be missing my friends here, and wishing they were with me.

my work is paying me to go bowling today. special. but only my work would do this...crazy.

I found this in the editorial section in the Free Lance-Star:
ONE NIGHT IN FRANKFURT: MEETING NICK MASON, AN AMERICAN HERO

Waldorf, Md. - It was just a chance encounter...the meeting of someone I had never known before. Little did I know then how the fortuitous crossing of our paths would affect my life, leaving an indelible impression forever etched in my memory.
The time and place was October 2004 at the Steigenbrugger Hotel in Fankfurt, Germany. I was sitting at the lobby bar of the hotel when a young man grinning with a smile a mile wide approached me and asked, "Are you General Smith from the Virginia National Guard?" I acknowledged that I was, but was now retired. Before I could ask the young man's name he reached out his hand and said, "Sir, I'm Specialist Nick Mason of Charlie Company, 276th Engineering Battalion, Virginia Army National Guard...it's a pleasure to meet you, sir!"
I told him that the feeling was mutual, and asked if he would like to join me for a Bitburger Pils, to which he replied, "Sir, yes, sir!" SO it was that I ordered the first of what would be three Bitburger Pils for Nick that evening. I was immediately impressed with this young man's positive attitude, effervescent spirit, and pride as an American soldier fighting under his nation's flag for the freedom of others.
It became quite apparent to me that this Nick Mason was an unabashedly friendly, confident, self-assured, gregarious guy who knew who he was and where he was going, and who was proud to be and American! He was doing exactly what he always wanted to do, and he was genuinely enthusiastic about it. Needless to say, once you met Nick, you never forgot him!
I asked Nick how it was that he knew me, and he stated that he had heard me speak about patriotism somewhere and also on something to do with the ESGR (Employers Support for Guard and Reserve) program.
He asked what I was doing in Germany, and I replied that I was a Charles County commissioner from Waldorf, Md., and one of several folks visiting local government officials from our sister city of Walldorf, Germany. I told him I came in a day early via the Patriot airlift, was staying at Rhein Main Air Base for the night, and would meet up with the delegation in the morning.

A King George connection
Nick promptly and proudly told me that his father, Vic Mason, was clerk of Circuit Court in King George County, and suggested that perhaps I might meet up with him some day. He then scribbled out his dad's name, address, and phone number and asked, if I got a chance, to tell his dad that "He was getting the job done, was fine and would be home soon!"
I then asked Nick what he was doing in Germany, and he replied: "Sir, I'm proudly serving my country, sir! I'm helping bring freedom to the Iraqi people, sir, and despite what the papers say, they do appreciate us being there, sir!"
Nick went on to tell me that his unit had been activated for almost a year and that they had been fighting in Fallujah and other places in Iraq. He talked about soldiers he knew who had died, the close calls that he and his buddies had survived, the rocket-propelled grenades that hit his Humvee and severely injured several of the soldiers.
Never once did he say he was afraid or that he wished he weren't there. He talked about his pride as an American soldier and how lucky he was to be part of a historic moment in history when America was bringing freedom to the people in that part of the world.
He said, "Sir, I know that my being here is making a difference in the lives of the Iraqi people, sir!" Nick then told me he had been on R&R for two weeks and that he was leaving in the morning to rejoin his unit.
We talked for a couple of hours, and seemed to cover the gamut of topics ranging from the Red Sox winning the pennant to who would win the Super Bowl, whether or not President Bush would be re-elected, the problems with the media bias in reporting the war, how he looked forward to rejoining his volunteer fire department buddies, hunting, fishing, working on cars, and seeing his mom and dad and sis again. We had just finished our third Bitburger Pils, and as Nick began putting money on the counter to pay for his beers, I pushed it back to him and said: "This is on me, soldier. You can buy the next round in Virginia!"
Nick replied, "Sir, thank you very much and you can count on that round in Virginia, sir!"

Saying goodbye
We shook hands, and then I gave him a big bear hug, and told him he was a great American patriot, and that I was both glad and proud to have met him.
We both left that night knowing that we would rendezvous again in Virginia after the first of the year, when he said he would be returning home from Iraq.
Well, Nick and I did cross paths again in Virginia, but not in the way we had hoped. For you see, this great American patriot, Spc. Nick Mason, only 20 years of age, gave his all in the fight for freedom. Nick was one of two soldiers killed in mid-December by a suicide-bomb explosion in his mess hall tent in Mosul, Iraq.
Nick Mason died doing what he believed he was destined to do, and he loved serving his country as a proud defender of freedom. To me, Nick Mason lost two lives that day: the one he was living as a young man serving his country, and the one he would have lived as he grew older and enjoyed marriage, fatherhood, grandchildren, etc. To me, Nick Mason is an American Hero.
The wonderfully compassionate and caring people of King George County came out to show their respect for this young and great American patriot and hero and his memorial service. More than 1,100 people attended. They came from near and far, and awarded Nick many awards, honors, and recognitions posthumously.
I was deeply moved by the adoration of Nick Mason; however, I wasn't surprised. I vividly remember the impression he left on me in such a short period of time just two months earlier.
I met with Nick's mother and father and told them about my chance encounter with Nick in Germany and how very impressed I was with their son. I shared the loving words he had spoken about them and the enormous pride that they must feel for raising such a magnificent son. I told them of the profound effect he had on my life. I will be forever grateful to their son Nick for showing me just how one should live his or her life...not serving self, but serving others, serving country, with honor. That to me will be Nick Mason's enduring legacy for all eternity.
Let us never forget to be grateful for the supreme sacrifice of Nick Mason and for all those American patriots like him, and may we never, ever, forget to memorialize their duty with honor for country.

(AL SMITH is a county commissioner in Charles County, MD., and a retired brigadier general of the Virginia Air National Guard, Virginia Militia (unorganized.)

I'm still sick and it sucks.
I have no freaking voice and I'm tired of it. I sound like a 13 year old boy who is going through puberty.
This weekend was pretty damn cool.
Friday night, Serrrra and I hung out. We went out to eat and then over to Target where I bought one of those STUPID pay-as-you-go cell phones. I hate it. I have no service out where I live and like...the minutes go by way too fast. So pointless...thank goodness I only have it for like 3 months. Then it's back to Verizon.
After I bought my phone we went over to a couple of bars and ended up at one for the rest of the night. It was a good visit! I miss Sara and look forward to when she moves back to VA in May.
Saturday...a whole bunch of us girls went out. Actually met a nice guy, who I gave my cell phone number to and well...he probably hasn't been able to get through to me because of it. Thats ok, he's a waitor at Buffalo Wild Wings and we frequent that silly place a lot so I'm sure I'll see him again.
Yesterday I was still sick and worse than I was, still am. I think I have an upper respratory infection, or bronchitis. FUN!
I slept all day and then went to bed at 9:30. I'm a loser. I have no life.
Word.

Between the bindings and my nose
You've written books about how to continue scribbling obscene things on my forehead, that I will never see.
And if I'm repeating myself,
take the spindle off of the needle.
Intervene with this repair that I'm sewing.
Damaging strides
towards breakable glass
hanging in the front living room window
The same window a bird came crashing into
just yesterday...

just yesterday
I learned, like that bird,
that not everything is clear and go-forth
That there are these same glass windows
in people like you,
that you just never see coming.
you just...
find yourself laying motionless on the ground.
after slamming head first into what you thought was thin air.
you were mistaken
and it took you out for a brief couple of minutes.
but you stood up
you erased it
and you flew away again
with another great lesson to share.
maybe next time they'll have the courtesy
to open the window.

-j

Snowboarding is my new obsession.
Although my body is aching all over I feel so wonderful and stress free. This weekend was seriously another to add to the collection of great ones.
Nina, Gavin, Ron, Alecks, Rachael and I all went up to PA to snowboard on Friday night. Saturday we were at the resort all day long. I am now in love with the mountain, and the snow, and the board connected to my feet. Even though I fell down more than I would have liked to I learned even a great life lesson through snowboarding.
The reason I was falling so much was because I was afraid to fall. When you throw that fear out of the window, you can just glide on down the side of the mountain.
I'm going back at least 2 more times before the season is over. I promise myself that. And then I'm going to get a skateboard and skate all summer long and condition myself so that next season I will be much better and won't bust my ass so many times.
Other than the snowboarding part, the time with my friends was ace.
Laughs, singing, blowing farts at 4AM, drinking like 2 sips of PABST and falling asleep on the sofa, mooning some old ass red necks, taking lots of candid pictures, wishing i was young again, just not giving a shit...seriously sometimes you just have to do that. It's more fun that way.
At night as we were leaving, I had a slight tear in my eye...as I looked back at the mountain and saw the lights shining on the tiny little people......hmmmmmmm

So...rule of thumb. Feel free to run your mouth. Everyone does it. I run my mouth...I won't lie. But my advice to anyone is to not run your mouth to people that someone has known for YEARS, cause it's gonna come back on you no matter how many locks you put on the "secret". What's the point in it anyway?

I have a friend, he's mostly made of pain. He wakes up, drives to work and straight back home again. He once cut one of my nightmares out of paper, I thought it was beautiful, I put it on a record cover. Then I tried to tell him that he had a sense of color and composition so magnificent and he said thank you please but your flattery is truly not becoming me. Your eyes are poor, you're blind, you see no beauty could have come from me. I'm a waste of breath, of space, of time.

I knew a woman, she was dignified and true and her love for her man was one of her many virtues until one day she found out that he had lied and she decided the rest of her life from that point on would be a lie. But she was grateful for everything that had happened and she was anxious for all that would come next. But then she wept, what did you expect, in that big old house with the cars she kept. Oh and such is life she often said, with one day leading to the next, you get a little closer to your death which was fine with her, she never got upset and with all the day she may have left she would never clean another mess or fold his shirts or look her best. She was free to waste away alone.

Last night, my brother he got drunk and drove and this cop, he pulled him off to the side of the road and he said officer, officer, you've got the wrong man, no, no, I'm a student of medicine, the son of a banker, you don't understand. The cop said no one got hurt you should be thankful and your carelessness, it is something awful. No I can't just let you go and though your father's name is known, your decisions now are yours alone, you're nothing but a stepping stone on a path to debt, to loss, to shame.

The last few months I've been living with this couple, yeah you know the kind who buy everything in doubles. They fit together like a puzzle and I love their love and I am thankful that someone actually receives the prize that was promised by all those fairy tales that drugged us. And they still do me, I'm sick, lonely, no laurel tree, just green envy. Will my number come up eventually? Like love's some kind of lottery where you scratch and see what's underneath. It's sorry, just one cherry, play again, get lucky.

I've been hanging out down by the train's depot, no I don't ride, I just sit and watch the people there. And they remind me of windup cars in motion, the way they spin and turn and jockey for positions and I want to scream out that it all is nonsense, oh your life's one track, can't you see it's pointless? But just then my knees give under me, my head feels weak and suddenly it's clear to see it's not them but me who's lost my self-identity as I hide behind these books I read while scribbling my poetry. Like art could save a wretch like me with some ideal ideology that no one could hope to achieve and I am never real, it's just a sketch of me and everything I've made is trite and cheap and a waste of paint, of tape, of time.

Now I park my car down by the cathedral where the floodlights point up at the steeples. Choir practice was filling up with people, I could hear the sound escaping as an echo, sloping off the ceiling at an angle and when the voices blend they sound like angels. I hope there's some room still in the middle. But when I lift my voice up now to reach them, the range is too high, way up in heaven so I hold my tongue, forget the song, tie my shoes, start walking off and try to just keep moving on with my broken heart and my absent God. And I have no faith but it's all I want to be loved and believe in my soul, in my soul, in my so-o-o-oul.

"Waste of Paint"
by Bright Eyes

Thats right, that song just says it all. And I love it.

i'm gonna follow joAnna's lead with the "dear so-and-so" and say:
Dear Bright Eyes (Conor Oberst),
Thank you for your words. They touch my heart. And even though I don't think like you do in a political sense, I respect your beliefs and agree that you feel quite strongly about them. Your songs are like dancing poetry and I get lost as I listen. I saw you for the first time last night and I was quite impressed. People can bitch and say that you whine and that your voice is annoying but I tend to think that you are one of the best singer/songwriters out there right now. Maybe it's because we relate in writing and they are similar in style and wording. I don't know but, I don't care what others think, you are great. Please come back to DC again soon, or at least play Coachella again. Thanks, that would be nice.
Sincerely,
Julia

After last night, this is my new favorite song:
Landlock Blues
If you walk away, I’ll walk away
First tell me which road you will take
I don’t want to risk our paths crossing some day
So you walk that way, I’ll walk this way

And the future hangs over our heads
And it moves with each current event
Until it falls all around like a cold steady rain
Just stay in when it’s looking this way

And the moon’s laying low in the sky
Forcing everything metal to shine
And the sidewalk holds diamonds like the jewelry store case
They argue walk this way, now walk this way

And Laura’s asleep in my bed
As I’m leaving she wakes up and says
“I dreamed you were carried away on the crest of a wave
Baby don’t go away, come here”

And there’s kids playing guns in the street
And ones pointing his tree branch at me
So I put my hands up I say “enough is enough,
If you walk away, I’ll walk away”
And he shot me dead

I found a liquid cure
From my landlocked blues
It’ll pass away like a slow parade
It’s leaving but I don’t know how soon

And the world’s got me dizzy again
You think after 22 years I’d be used to the spin
And it only feels worse when I stay in one place
So I’m always pacing around or walking away
I keep drinking the ink from my pen
And I’m balancing history books up on my head
But it all boils down to one quotable phrase
If you love something, give it away

A good woman will pick you apart
A box full of suggestions for your possible heart
But you may be offended and you may be afraid
But don’t walk away, don’t walk away

We made love on the living room floor
With the noise in background of a televised war
And in the deafening pleasure I thought I heard someone say
“If we walk away, they’ll walk away”

But greed is a bottomless pit
And our freedom’s a joke
We’re just taking a piss
And the whole world must watch the sad comic display
If you’re still free start running away
Cause we’re coming for you!

I’ve grown tired of holding this post
I feel more like a stranger each time I come home
So I’m making a deal with the devils of faith
Saying “let me walk away, please”
You’ll be free child once you have died
From the shackles of language and immeasurable time
And then we can trade places, play musical grace
Till then walk away, walk away

So I’m up at dawn
Putting on my shoes
I just want to make a clean escape
I’m leaving but I don’t know where to
I know I’m leaving but I don’t know where to

i'm done with this journal for a while. i got a lot to think about...
for now i'll leave you with some lyrics from morrissey...my favorite "Why don't you find out for yourself?"

The sanest days are mad
Why don’t you find out for yourself ?
Then you’ll see the price
Very closely

Some men here
They have a special interest
In your career
They wanna help you to grow
And then syphon all your dough
Why don’t you find out for yourself ?
Then you’ll see the glass
Hidden in the grass

You’ll never believe me, so
Why don’t you find out for yourself ?
Sick down to my heart
That’s just the way it goes

Some men here
They know the full extent of
Your distress
They kneel and pray
And they say
Long may it last

Why don’t you find out for yourself ?
Then you’ll see the glass
Hidden in the grass
Bad scenes come and go
For which you must allow
Sick down to my heart
That’s just the way it goes

Don’t rake up my mistakes
I know exactly what they are
And ... what do you do ?
Well ... you just sit there
I’ve been stabbed in the back
So many many times
I don’t have any skin
But that’s just the way it goes

an old familiar sting of pain
unexpectedly revisits
and i'm guessing i never
meant to let my heart go.

guessing that this space
i created should be
covered up and left alone.
when it's not too often
that i set things aside

people are lethal
and it's harsh
like pouring rain.

so unaware.
-j

today was...not a realization that i wanted...but i needed. the realities of war are so incredibly painful. i did not realize until just recently how real it is. i'm so sad that i had to experience that but greatful all in the same.
ah i'm so exhausted but i just need to say one thing...
Thank you Nicholas Conan Mason, from the bottom of my heart, for protecting this ground that I walk on, thank you for dying for the freedoms that our country stands for. Thank you for smiling a lot and making people laugh, even though I didn't know you to speak to you, I saw that smile walking through the halls of our school and I've heard there are many stories of the funny things you did. You're a hero to so many people now and will forever be in our hearts and minds. I'm sorry you had to go away so early...you will most certainly be missed.

-J

you have so many characters in people that enter and exit your life every day. so many things are unexplainable, but in life, so far, i've learned and am in the process of still learning, never to expect a thing from a single soul.
all too often you get to know someone only to have them walk away and never utter another single word and you have so many questions as to why this happens. well it happens because you expect for people to be humane and you expect for people to like you, but not everyone has to live up to your expectations, in fact, no one has to live up to your expectations. some people get bored with the same people and just recycle through life. some people will just plain out not like you. some people are afraid to get to know you in fear of liking you too much or some people just don't like people or relationships of any kind.
there are those that you love, but will never love you back. there are those that you don't even know that you admire from afar that will never give you the time of day. there are those that love you but you'll never share those feelings what-so-ever...
there are those that are in and out of your life like a doorway.
through learning and looking back, i'm at the point where i won't accept the in between, you're either in or your out. i am learning so fast never to expect anything from anyone.
i absolutely hate when someone will walk into your life and then turn right around and walk out. it makes no sense because i truly like to get to know people in and out. long converstations and even the quiet times in between....
what sense does it make to only get to know someone half-way and then leave? so then later in life you can say "yeah i knew that person, such a shame i never got to know them better"?
there are those loving caring people that no matter what, no matter how hard and loud you yell at some points, and no matter what harsh words you share, you will always love eachother because that bond exists and will never go away. (nina, my mother, my dad, my brother)
there are those that you connect with and love to death and know that no matter what, they're gonna be there because that connection is strong (sera, melissa z, joAnna, katie s., martha v.)
there are those people that you barely know but strive to know them more...some just walk away, some come closer to you.
and finally there are those that you haven't yet met, that are waiting, to either dump you or pick you up, dust you off and maybe decide to keep you...who knows?
through-out this little life of mine, there have been very few that will walk into my life and stay. some just can't seem to stick around....so from looking back on that, i expect nothing else from anyone. come what may....